Here we are, two days before the most convoluted of all holidays: Valentine’s Day. Shrouded in mystery and uncertainty, this day has become a bit of an aggravation to me over the years. It has been fully embraced by our consumer-driven economy and has become a driving force for sales in most commercial places of business. No one really knows where it came from, but we all know (especially we men) exactly where it’s headed…and it always takes us with it.
I’m not immune to it, either. Not getting something for my wife on this day seems callous, yet bowing down to the goofiness of this money trap is almost more than I can stand. I am among the lucky few who has a wife that honestly doesn’t want the egregiously overpriced flowers on Valentine’s Day, and for that I am so very thankful! But we still play along with cards and a small gift or two. Like I said before, I feel like a jerk if I don’t do something!
So today, I was in Hallmark browsing their card collection in hopes of finding either something really nice and mushy or something absolutely hilarious. I found something in between and settled on it. It was a good card that lacked a certain characteristic I found troubling in probably 85% of the other cards available.
Apology.
It seems the overwhelming stereotype for men buying Valentine’s cards is that of a mate who, being caring and loving, is basically disassociated with his significant other throughout the year. Unattached, uncaring and too busy to give a rip, these targeted men seem to be using Valentine’s Day as a time to reconnect, apologize and say, “I love you, even though I never show it or say it.”
This was a bit disconcerting to me. I’m a married man with a wonderful wife. This day already aggravates me by assuming I’ll pony over $75 for flowers I should be buying my wife just because it’s Wednesday and she’s marvelous. It infuriates me by assuming that I’m distant and distracted, selfish and self-seeking, never stopping to appreciate my wife except when culture tells me to. It now pushes me to the point of not wanting anything to do with it because it infers that it’s OK to be a jerk to your wife, fiancee’ or girlfriend for the year and on this one, magical day, a card and some overpriced flowers will fix everything.
But I’m not like that.
And I would venture to say that there are many men who aren’t like that.
And, if you are like that, you need to stop being that way. There’s no two ways about it.
The Bible paints this beautiful picture of how we, men, are to love our spouses (and girlfriends if you even entertain the eventuality of marrying this girl). ”For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. (Ephesians 5: 25)
Giving up your life does not mean buying flowers and candy in February. It does not mean being distant. It doesn’t mean you can buy your mate’s affection.
What it does mean is giving yourself, your whole self, to the person you love. Deciding that you’ll put someone else’s wants above your own and keep that person’s wellfare before yours. I’m no love guru or marriage counselor, I just read this scripture and realize that it’s a big deal. Jesus gave up everything for us, His bride. He gave up His pride, His wants, His agenda, and His life. All I know to do for my wife is attempt, to the utmost of my ability, to live a life that follows and chases after Christ’s model. In loving Him and allowing the Holy Spirit to fill me and empower me, I love my wife better. I become less and less self-centered, and I become more outward-focused. I learn to give myself away. I learn to lay my life down for others. And trust me, she’s the first in line for me on this planet.
I’m not saying, “Be like me.” I’m no one to mimic or follow. Follow Jesus. Give Him charge over your life, let Him change you from the inside out, and I promise you, you’ll never be the same.
And you won’t be the husband buying those awful “sorry I never tell you or show you I love you” cards. You’ll be one who looks at them and thinks, “That’s just not me.”
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Robby,
Enjoyed the read and agree whole heartedly. I’ve actually have had a similar discussion about this with Becky. Nonetheless, I did buy her some roses and a card. I did it largely because I feel I should (like yourself) but more importantly because I don’t want here to feel left out when all her friends and co-workers are sharing what their “wonderful” husbands gave them for Valentine’s Day…unaware that in many cases it was the one “wonderful” husband day of the year.
SP
My wife also hates when I spend money on Valentines Day. And like you, my brother, I love my wife with all my heart each and everyday. I do like Valentines Day because I like a reason to show her how I can be creative when I say “I love you honey!”
Thanks for making everyday Valentine’s Day!!! You’re the best husband ever!
I LOVE YOU!
Thanks for the comments, everyone!
Steve – I know exactly what you mean! I’m lucky that Tricia doesn’t work in a office where there are flowers being delivered all day, so I don’t have to deal with that pressure. =)
Danny – That’s a different take on the day…I like it! I have to say, I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, just parts of it. So any reason to keep it special is nice! =)
Tricia – Thanks, baby!